Run-in with Bambi (11/9 column)

There are two things that happen this time of year that I really don’t care much for: early darkness and philandering deer. Separately, they are a pain. Together, they can be a disaster.

It’s no wonder so many people suffer from seasonal depression. I was awfully depressed myself when I had to get up before daylight just to come to work at the normal time. However, I think leaving work when it’s dark is even worse. I feel like I missed the entire day. I’ll be happy when Dec. 21 rolls around. Besides being in the holiday season, it’s the mark of days starting to get longer again. What a great reason to celebrate.

Also this time of year is when all the bucks start thinking less than pure thoughts and start chasing the poor does. It’s a great time for hunting, not so good for driving. It’s no wonder car-deer crashes spike this time of year. I’ve had my fair share of encounters with Bambi in my seven years of driving. And I have the insurance rate to prove it.

When I was a senior in high school, my little sister went through her second unsuccessful season of deer hunting. So I had to rub it in a little when I got a doe during muzzle loader season. Unfortunately, my ammo was my little grey 1984 hatchback. It was about 5:30 p.m., and I was coming back from a few errands in town. Statistically, you are more likely to get in an accident close to home, and that was true for me as well. A doe darted out in front of me about a quarter mile from home. After leaving a significant indent in the hood of my car and doing a rather athletic cartwheel, I was sure she was finished. But when I walked over to the ditch, there she was staring at me with big brown eyes and a broken leg.
The deputy had to finish her off, but I still got my first deer, and I didn’t even have a hunting license. Unfortunately, the insurance company said my car was finished too. It doesn’t take much when the car’s about worthless anyway.

Deer #2 was already dead when I got to her. I didn’t have many options when I came upon it right in the middle of my lane at night on I-94, especially with a car in the lane next to me. Since I could hear a loud scraping noise immediately after impact, I pulled over to check the damage. Except for one broken plastic piece underneath the front, everything was fine. To this day, the purpose of that hunk of plastic behind my bumper is still a mystery to me.

My most recent run-in with a four-legged creature happened last Tuesday when I was on my way to pick up Jacob after finishing up the paper for the night. A buck ambushed me on STH 97 north of Athens. In an attempt at revenge, I hit him with my car. This time, I just spun him a little and he barely broke stride. I was sure he at least took out a headlight. I stopped and couldn’t any damage, just a little hair stuck to the bumper.

I thought I was pretty lucky. But then the next morning, I walked into the garage to go to work. It was then that I gagged from the stink of buck urine and realized that deer still got the best of me. He peed on my car.