A Tale of Three Weeks

Sorry I got behind. Read on and you'll see why...

Aug. 1 column
This past weekend’s adventure took me south for the first time since right after Memorial Day. Since it was my sister’s, my dad’s and Jacob’s birthdays all within a few days of each other, I decided to pack up the kid and go for a visit. We did the same thing last year this same weekend. This year’s trip was different. There was no Brewers game (the Brew Crew was in St. Louis this weekend) and no Nate. My poor husband had to stay home and milk cows since his brother is in Florida this week.

Despite these two missing pieces, I think I might have had even more fun than last year. Although I did miss Nate, there’s a certain amount of stress in keeping him entertained at my parents’ house. I didn’t really miss the Brewers since we have already been to two games this year. We drove down Friday night and I was impressed Jacob stayed awake the entire time. He did get cranky at the end, even when I promised we were almost there. Due to being strapped in a car seat for so long he was a little crabby when we got there, but he warmed up as soon as he saw the kittens, now big enough for him to play with. My sister had supper ready for us, so we spent the night catching up and checking out my mom’s pond and waterfall project in the yard.

I took Kirsten shopping for her birthday/going away present Saturday morning. Nate and I decided to get her a digital camera to have when she joins the Air Force this fall. Jacob was the guinea pig that afternoon as she tested her new toy. We also picked up a birthday cake for the two birthday boys and one birthday girl. While we were making supper, Jacob spied the cake on the counter and decided he couldn’t wait to try a piece. He pitched a fit loud enough that I gave in and cut a sliver off the corner. After supper Kirsten rounded up a handful of candles. Although it wasn’t the 77 we needed for the combined ages of the three, it was enough to impress Jacob. He looked in awe of the glowing candles on the chocolate frosted marble cake (minus one corner of course). We sang the obligatory song, which delighted the toddler even more. It must have made an impression because Jacob has been singing the song at random ever since.

Sunday meant time to go home, but not before Jacob received a few presents. Kirsten had found a metal sign of a boy playing with a tractor for his new room. Kaitlyn bought him a Cars poster. He got a pair of fun books from my aunts. But his favorite present was from my parents. In a weak moment Dad bought him an AMPI milk tanker at a delegate meeting in New Ulm, Minn., last winter. Once we found a way for everything to fit into my car, we headed back north. This time Jacob slept.

Aug. 8 column
It’s been a week of extreme ups and downs. I’m hoping this next week will be a little calmer. We celebrated Jacob’s second birthday with a little family road trip Thursday. After spending a few hours at work I picked Jacob up from day care. His babysitter, Dawn, and the rest of the kids threw a little party for him, complete with presents. I had a hard time getting him out the door because he didn’t want to stop playing with the little toy school bus Dawn gave him. I meant to write thank-you notes over the weekend, but ran out of time. Hopefully I’ll be able to find some time tonight. But just in case, thank you on behalf of Jacob!

We picked up Nate and headed east to Merrill, then north to Minocqua. I had never been to the tourist trap in the summer, and I’m not sure I’ll go back until the lakes are frozen. The little town was crazy, full of Minnesota and Illinois plates along with every bad driver in Wisconsin. Nate said it was like driving in the city. I suppose that was because we were surrounded with city drivers. After dining on Jacob’s favorite food, pizza, for lunch, we headed out to Wildwood Wildlife Park. Nate said when he was little it was known as Jim Peck’s. We made our way inside and Jacob immediately was drawn to the throngs of friendly goats roaming free. He ran to and fro looking at all the goats. Jacob even climbed right on top of one poor sleeping goat. I pulled him off before the goat could jump up. He also liked the deer and the menagerie of other animals in the park. There were a few he wasn’t too crazy about. He steered clear of the wandering tortoise and despite his love for pigs, he wouldn’t go near the grotesquely obese potbellied pig. After a good two hours, we headed back out. We stopped to look for fish in the ponds near the entrance. Nate almost let the empty stroller roll into the musky pond when he came to check out a fish Jacob and I found. Luckily it hit him in the back of the legs on the way down the hill. After the drive back home with both boys napping, it was back to chores, then birthday cake and ice cream.

The weekend was spent on the go. Jacob and I visited Curtiss Days Saturday, then Nate and I went to the Wisconsin Valley Fair that night. Sunday was spent at the Taylor County Fair taking in more fair sights and a demolition derby. Jacob likes the cars but gets impatient between heats, just like the rest of us.

Monday meant back to reality and an unplanned trip for me to the doctor’s office for a visit and a few rounds of tests. Although not life threatening, the issue is becoming more drawn out than I’d like. I have another round of labs Wednesday, then I should know exactly what is going on.

On a happier note, by the time you read this Nate and I will be homeowners. We signed the papers early Wednesday. All I can say is it’s about time.

Aug. 15 column
Like I mentioned last week, it’s been a trying last 10 days. I debated a lot about writing about it because it’s not usually a topic for polite conversation. However, I think it’s both something that should be talked about more and will be therapeutic for me and hopefully others too. Nate and I have been keeping a secret for the last month or so. We were expecting a baby this coming March, five days before my birthday. We had decided to keep it a secret until after Labor Day or so, just to make sure things were on the up and up. It was hard not to slip up. People often see Jacob and ask when the next one’s coming along. I had to hide the excitement when I said, “I don’t know. We’ll get to it sooner or later.” Nate finally couldn’t take it anymore and told his best friend.

I first began to wonder if something was wrong a few weeks ago. With Jacob I had been sick and nauseous almost all the time by the time I reached six weeks. I had to snack on saltines all day just to keep my stomach happy. But with this one I felt exhausted most of the time, but never sick more than a little wave. I passed it off as a blessing and was happy not to repeat the awful morning sickness. I thought maybe this one was a girl since it was different from being pregnant with Jacob.

I first noticed trouble Saturday afternoon, Aug. 4. I hoped it would just go away on its own. It did, but came back the next day. I called the nurse at the hospital who said if I was going to miscarry there wasn’t anything I could do to stop it. I called my doctor first thing Monday morning and she had me come in right away. At first she said I was likely at low risk to miscarry. However, my blood tests showed lower than normal Hcg levels for nine weeks of pregnancy. I spent the afternoon getting an ultrasound. The technician could see what she called a gestational sac, a little black and white blip on the screen.

By Tuesday my symptoms were worse and when I went in for a second blood test Wednesday I knew what the results would be. My Hcg levels dropped, indicating I would most likely lose the pregnancy. I asked for two days off from work, which turned out to be a very good decision.

There’s many words to describe this kind of grief: disappointment, failure, heartbreak, loss. I have a whole packet of information from the doctor that’s supposed to comfort me. About one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage, and I was amazed how many people I’ve spoken to this past week who have experienced it. Still, Nate and I are having a difficult time getting over losing something we never really had but still loved so much.

Now I’m just hoping my body handles itself so I can avoid an uncomfortable medical procedure to speed the process. It would really be insult on injury.

*Little update: got my blood test results Wednesday. So far so good. I got back for another one in two weeks. I need my Hcg levels at 25 or below to avoid more pokes and the possibility of a D&C.