The nine commandments

‘Tis the season of break ups, it seems. Not for me, but for plenty of other people I’m acquainted with. In the past month or so, three people I know of have been going through break ups. So far, none of the three are the nice, clean, we’ll-go-our-separate-ways-type of separations. Instead, it’s more of a small war raging between two people.

I’ve been on all sides of the break-up: the dumper, the dumpee, friend of one and friend in the middle. Of all, I liked friend caught in the middle least of all, even less than the one getting the boot. At least in that situation, you get over it and move on without much permanent damage. When caught in the middle, you’re almost guaranteed to lose one friend. Friend of one is the best place to be in a break up. It has the freedom of being able to take a side and freely express that without retribution. There’s nothing better than a good vent after a break up, and I’m happy to be the one to hear it (as long as it doesn’t drag on for months).

In all three recent situations, I got away easy as friend of one. After listening to all three, I think there should be rules of breaking up, so I’ve developed the nine commandments of the break up. And now, in no particular order, we'll reveal them:

Thou shalt know when to quit. Don’t drag out a relationship that’s bleeding to death because you think you might be able to revive it. Some things are just too far gone.

Thou shalt take time to mourn thy loss. When leaving a relationship, there’s lots of opportunity to catch up on the things you’ve been missing because of being in a couple. Some are just trouble waiting to happen. It’s OK not to be the first one to start dating again.

Thou shalt not take cheap shots at thy ex. It’s just petty and rude. If the ex has a secret he confided in you, keep it. And don’t make up lies, even if spreading rumors makes you feel better.

Thou shalt play fair. Similar to the last one, it means both should take time to mourn and abstain from immediately going into another’s arms just to hurt the other. And for heaven’s sake, don’t show up with new love in hand if you know the ex is going to be there.

Assets shall be divided civilly. In the case of the three break ups I was previously referring to, the couples were together for several years and living together. Separate personal items, then make a list of joint assets you would like. Have a neutral person help the two of you divide, if needed. Also, assets should be divided as soon as possible, not six months later.

Thou shalt resist temptation. This can be applied many places, but mostly stay off the phone. A fairly innocent call usually ends up more of a mess than anything. I think less contact is better.

Thou shalt not claim to stay friends. Face it, this never works.

Thou shalt find a distraction. Spend time with friends you’ve neglected, or find something completely new.

Thou shalt not go running back. A break up is a decision that shouldn’t be taken lightly. On again-off again is not healthy,
and playing yo-yo with someone’s heart is cruel.

So there you have it, and I hope none of you will have to use them.