My Wife Swap application

With not a single meeting scheduled Monday night, I settled down on the couch with Jacob for an early evening nap in front of the evening news. I woke long before Jacob did, and not wanting to disturb his slumber, I began watching the show that had come on. It was Wife Swap.

I’ve watched the show before, and it’s usually pretty amusing. The idea is two women spend 10 days living with the other’s husband and kids. After five days, they get to impose their rules on the other’s family. Still with me? OK. The idea is to teach the family how good they really have it. Occasionally, however, it has the opposite effect as women realize they could do better.

In order to get the most drama, producers pair up the most unlikely couples. This particular episode featured a rural Wisconsin mother with several overactive boys and a hard working husband. Her opposite was a Florida model agent with two girly daughters and a rather childish husband. The producers got the desired effect as the women clashed with their new families.

It all got me thinking, what type of woman would be my polar opposite? First, she would have to be a big city woman. I don’t mind cities, but I get a little claustrophobic after a being in one for more than a day or two. Next, I think she should have an extravagant home and long, manicured fingernails. She would have hired servants and spend most of her day shopping and eating at expensive restaurants with her girlfriends. Her children would be spoiled brats and her husband would have a separate wing of the house.

I’ve seen similar women on this show. It always makes me wonder why they apply in the first place. They probably get the idea while watching television while sitting in a bubble bath eating expensive chocolates. While I’m living her lavish life, she’d be getting a reality check from Nate, Jacob and my co-workers. She should come in the spring at the peak of the mud season when Nate is stressed about getting the crops in. In the morning she’d have to get herself and Jacob ready, give him his five medications and send him off the daycare. Then it would be to the office for the day. I’d make sure Todd gave her plenty to do. Lunch would be greasy fast food.

After work, she’d rush back to pick up Jacob, then head out to the farm to feed calves and milk cows. Maybe Nate would even teach her how to scrape manure with the skid steer. At least one night, she’d have to go to a government meeting and not get home to eat supper until late. Then there would be a pile of laundry and a sink full of dishes to wash. She would need to carefully balance a checkbook after she pays bills, and there would be no time for shopping. Even if there was, Nate would be sure to fill it with a dirty chore like power washing tractors.

Meanwhile, in the big city, I’d be lazy and comfy, missing my boys and counting the days until I was back at my desk in Wisconsin.