Funniest OWI I've heard lately

If you're going to get an OWI, go big. This is from my paper. The story was picked up nationally. I think I'd miss these sorts of things if I decide to leave newspapers. Enjoy!!

Two Dorchester men were arrested Aug. 18 in Abbotsford for drunk driving in the same vehicle. Harvey J. Miller, 43, and Edwin H. Marzinske, 55, were each cited for OWI following a traffic stop after an officer discovered they were jointly operating a vehicle.
According to the report a Colby/ Abbotsford officer observed a vehicle at 2:40 a.m. traveling at 29 mph in a 25 mph zone. As the vehicle approached the parked squad it slowed to 18 mph and came within inches of striking the squad as it passed. The officer also noticed the license plate lamp was not working.
The officer pulled out to follow the vehicle and observed it cross the centerline as it turned on to Hi Line Ave. The vehicle drifted in its lane and traveled 35 mph in a 55 mph zone, the officer noted. A traffic stop was conducted and as it pulled over it came very close to going in the ditch.
As he spoke to Miller, who was in the driver’s seat, the officer could detect an odor of intoxicant. He admitted he had too much to drink. Miller told the officer his license was revoked for OWI, then said he was not driving. The officer asked what he meant and Miller said he was only steering the vehicle but could not operate the pedals because he did not have any legs.
Marzinske, the vehicle’s owner and passenger sitting in the center of the truck, told the officer he was working the pedals while Miller was steering. The officer noted he had a mushy speech pattern and red, glassy eyes. He asked the officer if they were speeding. When he said no Marzinske told the officer Miller was drunk and he was only operating the pedals.
A third person in the truck, who the officer observed was also clearly intoxicated, said he had no drivers license. He was allowed to leave the vehicle and walk home.
After field sobriety tests on both operators, Miller was arrested for OWI (3rd) and Marzinske was arrested for OWI (2nd).
Both were transported to the department and submitted evidentiary breath samples. Miller’s recorded .16 percent and Marzinske’s recorded .09 percent.
Both also received citations for exceeding the .08 percent blood-alcohol limit and operating after revocation. They were released to a responsible sober person who agreed to take custody of them and remove their vehicle from the roadway.

Just for clarification, the guy was not legless, but is paraplegic.

Here's the follow up story in the Marshfield paper if you want to read their side of things and see a photo of the "Abby Idiots": Click here.

Questions?

I have had more than 1,000 page views since last November, so I know you are looking at this. I'm going to pose a few occassional questions to see what my readers are thinking. Post a comment to reply to any or all...

#1. What do you think of the Healthy Wisconsin proposal?
If you live in this state and don't know anything about, you probably should.

#2. How should this country address illegal immigration?
I'm sick of people complaining about it but not offering any solutions.

#3. Where should Nate and I go on vacation this year?

#4. What would you like for Christmas?
They put out the Halloween crap a few weeks ago so I figure Christmas stuff is coming out soon. Wouldn't want to get behind on my shopping.

Here's my column from last week. I was on vacation Thursday and Friday and didn't get a chance to update until now. I'll post this week's update about the fair along with pictures in a few days. Oh, and last week I didn't get my ark jabbed. It was my arm, and my blood test turned out good, so no more pokes!!

8/29 Column
After wasting a good three or four columns on the subject for the past year and a half, I sort of buzzed right by the subject for the past few weeks. We finally bought our house. And we even moved into it. Being a first-time home owner has been a real education. Thus far in our lives Nate and I have only lived as renters or leeches on the rest of the family. We closed on the house Aug. 8, and I swore we were going to sleep there that night. While Nate milked cows I got enough clothes and other necessities moved to spend the night. We had our bed, couch and TV. That was about it.

Over the past few weeks we’ve made many improvements to the place. Our appliances came in stages since some were in stock, some required a few modifications to the house and some had to be shipped and installed. I first got my washer and dryer. The dishwasher was delivered but not installed until a little wiring could be done. Next the refrigerator and stove were delivered. However, we learned our stove opening was about one-eighth of an inch too narrow. After a little amateur carpentry work by me and Nate with a hack saw and sander, we were good to go.

This past Saturday I finally had all my appliances up and running. I’ve finally been able to cook beyond the microwaveable, and Nate’s been reaping the rewards. He has enough leftovers to tide him over while I head south for a few days of vacation Thursday and Friday. Another ongoing project has been the installation of closet organizers. I found a great Web site with a closet design tool that I’ve been playing with. All I needed to do was adjust the closet to my dimensions, then draw in the shelves I wanted. At the end it printed a shopping list for me. My closet shopping trip turned out to be a waste. I learned the shelving was only sold in eight foot sections, meaning I’d need to high jack the truck for some serious hauling power. I got my chance last week and the seven sections of shelving, along with two bags of brackets, clips and supports filled our hall.

I spent most of the weekend drawing level lines, drilling holes, and popping in the hardware and shelves. The cordless drill and bolt cutters are my new best friends, but I’m asking Santa for a laser level. I still have a linen closet and front door closet to do. So far I’ve done all the work myself, but I thought I’d let Nate help with the last few. He’s been eyeing my newly purchased bolt cutter with envy since I brought it home Saturday.

If I’ve learned anything about being a home owner, it’s that they can sure drain a bank account fast. I hope now that we’re settling in, I can let the debit card cool off for a while.