Spring is the only season in Wisconsin that doesn’t come long before the calendar says it does. By the time June 21 rolls around, the kids are out on summer break and we’ve already broken out the shorts and swim suits. By the fall equinox comes, we’ve already had frost and the corn harvest is in full swing. And I don’t have to tell you how many inches of snow have fallen before the winter solstice is upon us.
But spring is a little more elusive. We may get hints of it here and there, but winter seems to keep fighting back long into April and even May sometimes. My grandparents celebrate their wedding anniversary the end of April. Each year when there is snow on the ground then, my grandmother takes a picture. I guess she’s got quite a stack as they’re celebrating their 50th anniversary soon.
It’s a toss up between spring and fall what my favorite season is. It varies year to year because some years we have a bad spring and nice fall, and other years it switches. Some years, we have both bad or both beautiful. I’m not sure how this one’s shaping up yet. I’m looking forward to the forecast of warmth and rain later this week. That combination should really perk up all the dead grass and barren trees.
One thing I really don’t like about the season is the mud. I need to do some shoe shopping soon, but I’ve decided to wait until “mud season” is on its way out, maybe closer to May or June. As a farmer, Nate also gets quite cranky at the sloppy fields, driveways and cattle pens this time of year. As all the frozen pens are thawing and need to be cleaned, the fields and roads to get to them are softening up. One of the guys at the farm usually buries the tractor at least once each spring trying to slop through the soggy field.
Melting ice already proved near deadly for one ignorant young heifer last weekend. After getting moved to the big pasture, she decided to go exploring and took a stroll across a once frozen pond. The little cow dropped through the thin ice and could have easily died of hypothermia. Luckily, a neighbor passing by saw her and stopped to tell Nate and his dad. They dragged her out and got her back to the barn. With the help of a couple heavy-duty heaters, they got her thawed out. She didn’t get up until the next day, but it looks like she’s on her way to recovery.
Besides rescuing stupid heifers, Nate and his dad entertain themselves this time of year by tapping a few maple trees. Last year, I was fascinated with the process, having never seen it done before. Although I missed the actual tapping, I helped check the pails and take sap to the evaporator. This year I also missed the tapping since I was at work. Since I’ve already seen the rest of it, I probably won’t go out collecting sap either. Who wants to go out traipsing through the mud anyway?
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Thursday, March 23, 2006
It's a two for one
This week...
Welcome to another edition of useless facts. At least I think this is another edition. I’m sure I wrote a column about useless information sometime ago, but if not, I meant to. Let’s get started. Statistics fascinate me, especially strange ones. Who studies this stuff anyway?
--One out of 350,000 Americans get electrocuted in their life. Do electric fences count? Or is this list knocked on your backside zapped? If they do, I’m sure every farm kid has done it and that number should be higher.
--27 percent of female lottery winners hid their winning ticket in their bras. Who found this out? Did they have a guy positioned by the gas station checkout watching to see where women put their tickets? If that’s the case, I have a few guy friends who would like to apply for that job.
--Three percent of pet owners give Valentine's gifts to their pets on Valentine's Day. I’ve never given a pet a Valentine’s Day present. Christmas, yes, but just to see if they could get it open.
--31 percent of employees skip lunch entirely. Guilty, but not very often. Breakfast is usually my skipped meal of choice. Sometimes, I don’t get lunch until late though, and skip supper. I’m sure I make up for it by grazing throughout the day.
--45 percent of Americans don't know that the sun is a star. Another reason for sufficiently funding education.
--53 percent of women in America would dump their boyfriend if they did not get them anything for Valentine's Day. You hear that guys? Remember that for next year.
--66 percent of wedding cards are hand delivered by people. I almost always drop mine in the box/bird cage/wooden church at the wedding. And I usually sign the card in the parking lot before I come in. Nothing like the last minute.
--75 percent of all raisins eaten by people in the United States are eaten at breakfast. They’re good in cookies too.
--85 percent of weddings are held in a synagogue or church. I’m one of the rare 15 percent, I guess.
--96 percent of candles that are purchased are by women. Going along with that, 96 percent of candles seen in a guy’s place are bought by his girlfriend, wife or mother.
--Americans on average use about 580 pounds of paper per year per person. We go through a lot more that that in this office. Hence the many recycling bins throughout the building.
--It requires 63 feet of wire to make a Slinky toy. And one bad trip down the stairs and you’ve got yourself 63 feet of knotted wire ball.
--A tree in a metropolitan area will survive for approximately eight years. So much for urban green space. No wonder it costs so much more to live in a city. They replace the trees constantly.
And last week...
The question was posed on a radio station, “What's your luckiest moment?” I had to think about that a while. Had I called in, I don’t think I would have had a good answer. In general, I’m not a very lucky person. I don’t win raffle prizes, even the ones when they say the odds are really good. You could throw 100 names in a pail and draw out 99; mine would be the last one in there.
Nate and I bought two of those calendar raffle tickets this year. He’s not real lucky either, so our investment has netted us nothing thus far. I went to a casino once in college. It was girls’ night, so the rule was whoever won the most (or lost the least) had to buy pie at Perkin’s on the way home. Needless to say, I didn’t have to buy the treat. I stuck $10 in a machine, lost it right away and quit. People have told me I need to play the tables. In a just-for-fun game of Texas Hold’em a while back, I did win all of Nate’s and Ryan’s chips. That made me feel pretty good, especially with the Vegas trip coming up this summer.
However, if I put money on it, I have a feeling it would a different result. Remember those magnets you played with in elementary science classes? It’s sort of like that. Money and I must have the same charge because the harder I try to get it, the further I tend to push it away. Some people don’t have any luck and are indifferent to that cosmic power. Most of the time that’s true for me, but lately, it seems the bad has ruled my world.
Here’s an example of my luck in the past week:
On Thursday, the vet discovered my favorite old show cow, Willie, was full of tumors. Normally, for a special cow we bury them on the farm. But because the ground was frozen, she went to the hamburger plant instead. On Friday, a semi threw a stone in my windshield. By evening there was a crack starting to grow in the corner. “That’s what insurance is for,” Nate said. This will be my second windshield replacement in less than two years. I guess I’m getting my money’s worth.
On Sunday I had to miss most of my favorite TV show. The following morning I woke up to a thunderstorm. Like most people, I thought Monday’s blizzard was another bad luck storm. I slid all the way down from Medford only to try and creep back home in the afternoon. For those with indifferent luck, they had to slow down and drive carefully, but made it home OK. I made it home, but got stuck in a drift in the driveway 10 feet from the safety of the garage. With a screaming baby in the backseat.
My luck may be starting to change slightly though. I have a birthday coming up and office tradition dictates the honoree brings a treat. Luckily, the day for me to bring my treat happens to fall on an office potluck day. That means I’ll only have to bring one treat for the hungry vultures. It may not be much, but it’s something.
Welcome to another edition of useless facts. At least I think this is another edition. I’m sure I wrote a column about useless information sometime ago, but if not, I meant to. Let’s get started. Statistics fascinate me, especially strange ones. Who studies this stuff anyway?
--One out of 350,000 Americans get electrocuted in their life. Do electric fences count? Or is this list knocked on your backside zapped? If they do, I’m sure every farm kid has done it and that number should be higher.
--27 percent of female lottery winners hid their winning ticket in their bras. Who found this out? Did they have a guy positioned by the gas station checkout watching to see where women put their tickets? If that’s the case, I have a few guy friends who would like to apply for that job.
--Three percent of pet owners give Valentine's gifts to their pets on Valentine's Day. I’ve never given a pet a Valentine’s Day present. Christmas, yes, but just to see if they could get it open.
--31 percent of employees skip lunch entirely. Guilty, but not very often. Breakfast is usually my skipped meal of choice. Sometimes, I don’t get lunch until late though, and skip supper. I’m sure I make up for it by grazing throughout the day.
--45 percent of Americans don't know that the sun is a star. Another reason for sufficiently funding education.
--53 percent of women in America would dump their boyfriend if they did not get them anything for Valentine's Day. You hear that guys? Remember that for next year.
--66 percent of wedding cards are hand delivered by people. I almost always drop mine in the box/bird cage/wooden church at the wedding. And I usually sign the card in the parking lot before I come in. Nothing like the last minute.
--75 percent of all raisins eaten by people in the United States are eaten at breakfast. They’re good in cookies too.
--85 percent of weddings are held in a synagogue or church. I’m one of the rare 15 percent, I guess.
--96 percent of candles that are purchased are by women. Going along with that, 96 percent of candles seen in a guy’s place are bought by his girlfriend, wife or mother.
--Americans on average use about 580 pounds of paper per year per person. We go through a lot more that that in this office. Hence the many recycling bins throughout the building.
--It requires 63 feet of wire to make a Slinky toy. And one bad trip down the stairs and you’ve got yourself 63 feet of knotted wire ball.
--A tree in a metropolitan area will survive for approximately eight years. So much for urban green space. No wonder it costs so much more to live in a city. They replace the trees constantly.
And last week...
The question was posed on a radio station, “What's your luckiest moment?” I had to think about that a while. Had I called in, I don’t think I would have had a good answer. In general, I’m not a very lucky person. I don’t win raffle prizes, even the ones when they say the odds are really good. You could throw 100 names in a pail and draw out 99; mine would be the last one in there.
Nate and I bought two of those calendar raffle tickets this year. He’s not real lucky either, so our investment has netted us nothing thus far. I went to a casino once in college. It was girls’ night, so the rule was whoever won the most (or lost the least) had to buy pie at Perkin’s on the way home. Needless to say, I didn’t have to buy the treat. I stuck $10 in a machine, lost it right away and quit. People have told me I need to play the tables. In a just-for-fun game of Texas Hold’em a while back, I did win all of Nate’s and Ryan’s chips. That made me feel pretty good, especially with the Vegas trip coming up this summer.
However, if I put money on it, I have a feeling it would a different result. Remember those magnets you played with in elementary science classes? It’s sort of like that. Money and I must have the same charge because the harder I try to get it, the further I tend to push it away. Some people don’t have any luck and are indifferent to that cosmic power. Most of the time that’s true for me, but lately, it seems the bad has ruled my world.
Here’s an example of my luck in the past week:
On Thursday, the vet discovered my favorite old show cow, Willie, was full of tumors. Normally, for a special cow we bury them on the farm. But because the ground was frozen, she went to the hamburger plant instead. On Friday, a semi threw a stone in my windshield. By evening there was a crack starting to grow in the corner. “That’s what insurance is for,” Nate said. This will be my second windshield replacement in less than two years. I guess I’m getting my money’s worth.
On Sunday I had to miss most of my favorite TV show. The following morning I woke up to a thunderstorm. Like most people, I thought Monday’s blizzard was another bad luck storm. I slid all the way down from Medford only to try and creep back home in the afternoon. For those with indifferent luck, they had to slow down and drive carefully, but made it home OK. I made it home, but got stuck in a drift in the driveway 10 feet from the safety of the garage. With a screaming baby in the backseat.
My luck may be starting to change slightly though. I have a birthday coming up and office tradition dictates the honoree brings a treat. Luckily, the day for me to bring my treat happens to fall on an office potluck day. That means I’ll only have to bring one treat for the hungry vultures. It may not be much, but it’s something.
Friday, March 17, 2006
Finally downloaded by photos
I just had to put up a cute picture of Jake. It's his first bath in the big tub.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
I miss Scotland
Sorry, this is from last week. I need to be more diligant about updating this I guess.
Everyone should travel to a foreign country at some point in their life. It’s called becoming “cultured.” However, there are certain rules involved to make it a true foreign experience. First off, Canada doesn’t count. And neither does some extremely Americanized resort in Mexico or the Caribbean. If it’s in a brochure designed to attract college kids on their spring break, it doesn’t count. No sir, if you’re going to travel, you have to immerse yourself into the culture. Otherwise, you might as well save your money and travel domestic.
I have had one true international experience. Three years ago about now, three friends and I joined about 30 other UW-River Falls students on a two-week long international study tour to Great Britain, with an emphasis on Scotland. It was called a study tour, but trust me, we spent more time touring landmarks and patronizing the local pubs than studying. We did have an assignment over there. Each of us had to conduct research on something to do with Scottish culture, history or politics. That leaves it open to pretty much anything doesn’t it?
The four of us teamed up and planned an itinerary of touring along with our research. Cindy did a project on Loch Ness tourism (culture/politics). This meant we all got to travel from Edinburgh away from the group to the infamous Loch Ness. Loch Ness is actually a lake, and Inverness was the city we visited. No, we didn’t see the monster, lovingly known as Nessie, but there was this weird shadow on one of my photos...
I also happened to turn 21 in Inverness. It was a good time, even if all the Scots were wondering why we were celebrating. There the legal drinking age is 18, so we were a few years late. The next day, we visited Stirling, home of the William Wallace monument. Remember the movie Braveheart? He’s Mel Gibson. We climbed all the steps of the monument, which was quite a challenge with how I happened to feel that day. It was worth it for the spectacular view though.
We headed back to Edinburgh so Loni and I could do our research. Jen was able to do her’s along the way since it was a public opinion survey on the Iraq war.
I could go on a long time, so I’ll just summarize what I learned about Scottish culture:
--They love their whiskey. They say there’s a whiskey for everyone, but I didn’t find mine;
--American public transportation is pretty crumby compared to Europe. There you can find a train or bus going almost anywhere. Here, without a car, you’re pretty limited;
--America is a country in infancy compared to most European countries. Here, everything man-built is less than 200 years old. There, structures have stood for centuries.
--Lastly, and the four of us might say most importantly, what happens in Inverness stays in Inverness.
Everyone should travel to a foreign country at some point in their life. It’s called becoming “cultured.” However, there are certain rules involved to make it a true foreign experience. First off, Canada doesn’t count. And neither does some extremely Americanized resort in Mexico or the Caribbean. If it’s in a brochure designed to attract college kids on their spring break, it doesn’t count. No sir, if you’re going to travel, you have to immerse yourself into the culture. Otherwise, you might as well save your money and travel domestic.
I have had one true international experience. Three years ago about now, three friends and I joined about 30 other UW-River Falls students on a two-week long international study tour to Great Britain, with an emphasis on Scotland. It was called a study tour, but trust me, we spent more time touring landmarks and patronizing the local pubs than studying. We did have an assignment over there. Each of us had to conduct research on something to do with Scottish culture, history or politics. That leaves it open to pretty much anything doesn’t it?
The four of us teamed up and planned an itinerary of touring along with our research. Cindy did a project on Loch Ness tourism (culture/politics). This meant we all got to travel from Edinburgh away from the group to the infamous Loch Ness. Loch Ness is actually a lake, and Inverness was the city we visited. No, we didn’t see the monster, lovingly known as Nessie, but there was this weird shadow on one of my photos...
I also happened to turn 21 in Inverness. It was a good time, even if all the Scots were wondering why we were celebrating. There the legal drinking age is 18, so we were a few years late. The next day, we visited Stirling, home of the William Wallace monument. Remember the movie Braveheart? He’s Mel Gibson. We climbed all the steps of the monument, which was quite a challenge with how I happened to feel that day. It was worth it for the spectacular view though.
We headed back to Edinburgh so Loni and I could do our research. Jen was able to do her’s along the way since it was a public opinion survey on the Iraq war.
I could go on a long time, so I’ll just summarize what I learned about Scottish culture:
--They love their whiskey. They say there’s a whiskey for everyone, but I didn’t find mine;
--American public transportation is pretty crumby compared to Europe. There you can find a train or bus going almost anywhere. Here, without a car, you’re pretty limited;
--America is a country in infancy compared to most European countries. Here, everything man-built is less than 200 years old. There, structures have stood for centuries.
--Lastly, and the four of us might say most importantly, what happens in Inverness stays in Inverness.
Friday, March 03, 2006
My Wife Swap application
With not a single meeting scheduled Monday night, I settled down on the couch with Jacob for an early evening nap in front of the evening news. I woke long before Jacob did, and not wanting to disturb his slumber, I began watching the show that had come on. It was Wife Swap.
I’ve watched the show before, and it’s usually pretty amusing. The idea is two women spend 10 days living with the other’s husband and kids. After five days, they get to impose their rules on the other’s family. Still with me? OK. The idea is to teach the family how good they really have it. Occasionally, however, it has the opposite effect as women realize they could do better.
In order to get the most drama, producers pair up the most unlikely couples. This particular episode featured a rural Wisconsin mother with several overactive boys and a hard working husband. Her opposite was a Florida model agent with two girly daughters and a rather childish husband. The producers got the desired effect as the women clashed with their new families.
It all got me thinking, what type of woman would be my polar opposite? First, she would have to be a big city woman. I don’t mind cities, but I get a little claustrophobic after a being in one for more than a day or two. Next, I think she should have an extravagant home and long, manicured fingernails. She would have hired servants and spend most of her day shopping and eating at expensive restaurants with her girlfriends. Her children would be spoiled brats and her husband would have a separate wing of the house.
I’ve seen similar women on this show. It always makes me wonder why they apply in the first place. They probably get the idea while watching television while sitting in a bubble bath eating expensive chocolates. While I’m living her lavish life, she’d be getting a reality check from Nate, Jacob and my co-workers. She should come in the spring at the peak of the mud season when Nate is stressed about getting the crops in. In the morning she’d have to get herself and Jacob ready, give him his five medications and send him off the daycare. Then it would be to the office for the day. I’d make sure Todd gave her plenty to do. Lunch would be greasy fast food.
After work, she’d rush back to pick up Jacob, then head out to the farm to feed calves and milk cows. Maybe Nate would even teach her how to scrape manure with the skid steer. At least one night, she’d have to go to a government meeting and not get home to eat supper until late. Then there would be a pile of laundry and a sink full of dishes to wash. She would need to carefully balance a checkbook after she pays bills, and there would be no time for shopping. Even if there was, Nate would be sure to fill it with a dirty chore like power washing tractors.
Meanwhile, in the big city, I’d be lazy and comfy, missing my boys and counting the days until I was back at my desk in Wisconsin.
I’ve watched the show before, and it’s usually pretty amusing. The idea is two women spend 10 days living with the other’s husband and kids. After five days, they get to impose their rules on the other’s family. Still with me? OK. The idea is to teach the family how good they really have it. Occasionally, however, it has the opposite effect as women realize they could do better.
In order to get the most drama, producers pair up the most unlikely couples. This particular episode featured a rural Wisconsin mother with several overactive boys and a hard working husband. Her opposite was a Florida model agent with two girly daughters and a rather childish husband. The producers got the desired effect as the women clashed with their new families.
It all got me thinking, what type of woman would be my polar opposite? First, she would have to be a big city woman. I don’t mind cities, but I get a little claustrophobic after a being in one for more than a day or two. Next, I think she should have an extravagant home and long, manicured fingernails. She would have hired servants and spend most of her day shopping and eating at expensive restaurants with her girlfriends. Her children would be spoiled brats and her husband would have a separate wing of the house.
I’ve seen similar women on this show. It always makes me wonder why they apply in the first place. They probably get the idea while watching television while sitting in a bubble bath eating expensive chocolates. While I’m living her lavish life, she’d be getting a reality check from Nate, Jacob and my co-workers. She should come in the spring at the peak of the mud season when Nate is stressed about getting the crops in. In the morning she’d have to get herself and Jacob ready, give him his five medications and send him off the daycare. Then it would be to the office for the day. I’d make sure Todd gave her plenty to do. Lunch would be greasy fast food.
After work, she’d rush back to pick up Jacob, then head out to the farm to feed calves and milk cows. Maybe Nate would even teach her how to scrape manure with the skid steer. At least one night, she’d have to go to a government meeting and not get home to eat supper until late. Then there would be a pile of laundry and a sink full of dishes to wash. She would need to carefully balance a checkbook after she pays bills, and there would be no time for shopping. Even if there was, Nate would be sure to fill it with a dirty chore like power washing tractors.
Meanwhile, in the big city, I’d be lazy and comfy, missing my boys and counting the days until I was back at my desk in Wisconsin.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
